Struggles

We've had some rough spots in the past two months, some of which we've shared for the bolster of support, some of which we've held close, to heal on our own. Altogether, it's just hard, sometimes too hard.

Everywhere I look for sayings, songs, prayers, psalms, something to boost my faith and spirit. I need that reassurance that God has a master plan and there is a reason to kick us while we are down. Even the superficial struggles -- financial, car troubles, home repairs, scheduling conflicts, work challenges, school struggles -- are enough to break me. I feel like a playdoh version of myself trying to lift a boulder without losing my shape.

But on the bright side, my husband is awesome. He made me rest when I needed rest, he took care of the household when I couldn't. He took care of the girls, he took care of me. Now, he's got a cold and is exhausted and I can't find even half a day that he can and would stop and rest. I can't return the favor, because I'm spending every spare minute trying to get through this last semester of school. All I can do is try to take back the household chores and free that time for him. That's not much when growing season has started.

But growing season's start and Ash Wednesday and taxes done and spring break just a few weeks away -- all that means that we are halfway through this spring. It means we aren't far from the end of this struggle, this two and a half year struggle.

Lord, I pray it has been worth it. I hope I didn't put my family through this for nothing. I know I'll be happier, but I pray they will be too.