Friday, April 24, 2009

Balancing act

I noticed, as I was packing Natalie's milk for today, that there isn't all that cream on the top, like we remember there being with the girls. That, and already, only day three at daycare, I'm struggling to make as much as she consumes. So, not only is the quality not there, but the quantity isn't either.

Part of that is my fault. I'm a lazy milk cow. Natalie is perfectly satisfied eating on only one side, for about 15 minutes, but I know I'm supposed to feed her on both. So, I guess if I do what we're supposed to do, we could double production, in theory. I'm just so jealous of those women who can pump 8 ounces at a time. Only in my dreams could I get that much. Moooo.

Related but different topic, I've always been conscientious about what I eat. I can pass by ice cream and chocolate and fatty foods (with the exception of fried stuff) without much struggle. I'd prefer a great caesar salad to a sundae any day of the week.

So, how do I eat enough good stuff to get the fat/cream Natalie needs, as well as the quantity of milk, without making my arse grow exponentially? I've started toting the giant glass 'o water with me to work, to force the fluids, thereby hopefully increasing the quantity. But, is that enough? Do I need to start on the fenugreek/something-thistle combo already? Suggestions please!!!

Oh, and a quick Lainie update. I talked to our pediatrician about her EEG results and, the message I took from it, is that it's not terrible. Her EEG "isn't like what you'd expect from a patient that has seizures all day, every day." So, that can alleviate my fear that she's been having absence seizures without me knowing, and I can assume her spacing out is just spacing out. Exhale. The resent Newsweek article on epilepsy scared the bejebuss out of me, so it's nice to have something to alleviate some fear.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Day 2 of daycare

I'm looking at pictures and videos of Natalie and Lainie and thinking I don't spend enough time with my girls. How can I carve out 10 minutes of 1-on-1 time daily for each of them?

Katie wants her nails done.
Maggie wants her nails done plus computer time together.
Lainie wants her nails done plus computer time together plus playing with bubbles.
Natalie wants mama milk, and lots of it.

Monday, April 20, 2009

First day at daycare

Sometimes letdown includes tears

Friday, April 17, 2009

Change of plans?

I'll find out next week if they approve of my proposal of dropping to 30 hours per week work schedule. It'd mean less money, but it'd mean more time to take care of home stuff, more sanity, less guilt. Say a prayer, cross your fingers, whatever you want to do, that they approve it...if it's the right path to take.

A tiptoe into normalcy

Yesterday, Natalie stayed with our daycare provider for a couple hours, as a precursor into next week's end-of-maternity-leave. She did great, by the way -- cooed, ate, pooped, and slept, all the things you hope for in a 7 week old. And, while I was planning to nap during that time, what with Katie at school, Maggie at preschool, Lainie napping, and Natalie at daycare, I did something even better. I laid on my bed, in total silence, and read. A book. A real book, with more than 20 pages and no pictures. Ahhhhh, sweet euphoria.

I don't think it is a coincidence, then, that the rest of the afternoon and evening were peaceful in our house. There were still meltdowns, but this time none of them came from me. I was able to fix supper, and even help a little with the garden stuff. Bathtime, bedtime, getting everything set up for the morning haste, all done peacefully, almost with a smile.

I'm not looking forward to being away from Natalie 10 hours 3 days a week. I'll miss those big giant smiles and bright blue eyes. But, I know that she's in great hands, I know that she'll enjoy daycare, and I know that I need some alone time to recharge, in order for me to have more calm patience and less irrational meltdowns. I'm ready to get back into a semblance of order, a routine, and I'm really ready for the quiet moments that this introvert needs to feel human and social.

But, I'll miss my baby.

Sunday, April 5, 2009


Big news of the week – Lainie is potty training! She told me Friday that “I no wear diapers) and I told her then she had to go potty in the potty. So she sat down and did it. Hmmm, why didn’t we think of that months ago? Oh, we DID! Who knows what changed this week, but we’re happy. She’s had probably 9-10 successes this weekend and been wearing pull-ups and getting M&Ms as the reward.

She also tried to order her own food at dinner Saturday night. This is a big accomplishment, because usually she doesn’t talk in public. But she told the waitress that she wanted french fries (with sign language to accompany the words) and chicken. I was so proud!

So far, Lainie’s adjusted well to the medication. She seems a little groggy, but that’s about it and it’s not enough for probably anyone else to notice. We’re trying out different ways to get her swallow two pills whole each night at bedtime; last night’s hidden-in-yogurt remedy worked pretty well. She’s been sleeping like a rock for four hours now, but I hate to wake her. Here’s hoping she’ll still want to sleep tonight at bedtime.

Natalie brought her bit of sunshine in church today by spending most of the hour looking up at me, smiling huge smiles and cooing. Jay also fed her a bottle for the first time in 6 weeks. She didn’t take to it immediately like her sisters had, but she was willing to put up with it. Two weeks until she’s in daycare, so she’s going to have to get used to it, whether I want her to or not. It’s also the chance for her to realize Daddy isn’t a bad guy and for Daddy to be forced inside for at least 20 minutes.

Tomorrow is another day in the office for Natalie and I. Lainie will have preschool, Katie at school, and Maggie at daycare. It’s also Jay’s week for state testing, and he’s extremely worried about his tomatoes in the high tunnels. Between the wind beating the buildings have been taking and the 20 degree low tonight and tomorrow night…let’s just say he’s on edge. We are all ready for spring.