Yesterday, Natalie stayed with our daycare provider for a couple hours, as a precursor into next week's end-of-maternity-leave. She did great, by the way -- cooed, ate, pooped, and slept, all the things you hope for in a 7 week old. And, while I was planning to nap during that time, what with Katie at school, Maggie at preschool, Lainie napping, and Natalie at daycare, I did something even better. I laid on my bed, in total silence, and read. A book. A real book, with more than 20 pages and no pictures. Ahhhhh, sweet euphoria.
I don't think it is a coincidence, then, that the rest of the afternoon and evening were peaceful in our house. There were still meltdowns, but this time none of them came from me. I was able to fix supper, and even help a little with the garden stuff. Bathtime, bedtime, getting everything set up for the morning haste, all done peacefully, almost with a smile.
I'm not looking forward to being away from Natalie 10 hours 3 days a week. I'll miss those big giant smiles and bright blue eyes. But, I know that she's in great hands, I know that she'll enjoy daycare, and I know that I need some alone time to recharge, in order for me to have more calm patience and less irrational meltdowns. I'm ready to get back into a semblance of order, a routine, and I'm really ready for the quiet moments that this introvert needs to feel human and social.
But, I'll miss my baby.