It just gets harder

This parenting thing is not getting any easier. Today, for example....

I took my youngest, L, to a local child check, where they gauge the abilities of kids under 5 and see if they are developmentally where they need to be. Now, I know she's not at the top. In fact, I had a pretty darn good guess that she had fallen behind developmentally. And, I was pretty cocky that it was all because of fluid behind her ears, what with a flat tympanogram a few weeks back and reoccuring ear infections since the first of December. But I was only partially right. She is behind, in gross motor and speech development. But her ears are fine. She passed the tympanogram and the hearing test. Her delays cannot be blamed on her ears. She's not tripping because she doesn't have balance. She's not not speaking because she can't hear. She's fine; she just doesn't remember how to do those things correctly. So, I guess there is some permanent damage from the seizures et al. Ouch. It's just kinda hard to swallow, that my child isn't perfect, that she's going to have a hard road ahead. I'm still confidant she'll catch up, that a little help now will even the scale. And infant toddler services are going to come to our house, do a formal evaluation, see what services she needs. She's not perfect. And that's hard to swallow.

Then, we have Numero Dos, aka M. She's 4.5 years old and tonight spelled a-d-o-r-a-b-l-e without reading it anywhere. She, in fact, was correcting a 5-year-old's technique of reading the letters instead of reading the word. She is blowing us out of our shoes. How did my girl learn to read, all by herself (or with very very minimal assistance from us)?!? How is she picking up words and letters and math facts and science facts and historical tidbits as fast as a swiffer duster picks up the crap on my TV screen?! And what are we going to do about it, seeing as how she's the one of my girls who doesn't like to follow the rules, who will always push it as far as she can. If she's bored, she's in trouble.

And for the whipped cream on top of this insane sundae, we have my oldest daughter. She is smart, near the top of her class, kind ... kinder than any child I have ever known... and beautiful. She's a perfectionist, a dancer, an artististic little booger, and always wants to please others. She's harder on herself than anyone else will ever be. And it's hurting her so badly every time her little sister, a whole 2 years younger than her, knows something she doesn't. It kills her every time someone gasps as M reads a new word. So HOW am I supposed to give the attention deserving to M while preserving K's emotional state and keeping my third eye on L, wondering what's all going on in her brain?

I am at a loss. I'm sad. I'm excited. I'm worried. And they are not even 7 yet.