Broken spirit

I used to work really hard. I would put in the extra hours, log in at 10 p.m. to make a change to a Web site or send one more email, try to smooth ruffled feathers and find compromises. I gave my all to my job. But no more.

I'm broken. My spirit is broken. I cried on the way to work this week, I am that unhappy. They have broken me, with their thankless demands, giving into temper tantrums, messed up paychecks, unequal pay, "can you just do one more thing" requests. I give up.

But, surprisingly, since I gave up, it's much more bearable. I'll do the minimum. I'll go through the actions. Screw long-term strategy; I'm aiming for 6 months tops. I'm no longer trying to clean up others people's messes. It's not my job. I'm only doing the minimum.

How not to inspire and motivate employees:
-tell them one thing, and change it again and again
-ask them to do something, then don't respond to any requests for instruction
-send them on a trip, and then don't pay for the costs incurred
-screw up the paycheck, and then bill them for the difference
-never say thank you
-never say please
-when you find out a project is succeeding, don't say good job, just say "next we'd like..."
-never return phone calls, acknowledge emails
-say "oh, it's okay, it's wasn't important" when you are late to a farewell reception for an employee that worked here for 25 years

Well, guess what? "They" are right. it's NOT important.

What IS important:
-my beautiful girls, 4, 3, 2, and 1. :)
-my wonderful husband, who just says "what do I need to do" when I tell him I need to change jobs
-my great friends, who say "we understand" and "I'm sorry" and "put visine in the water cooler and steal all the toilet paper"
-my family of families
-everything else

And so I pray, that my next career move is the right one, that I can suck it up and leave with grace at the end of the year, that I can hold it together through the end of the year (because we've met major med and have free healthcare until December 31), and that I don't let this sour me or tarnish my reputation.

Live life so you have no regrets. I'll regret it if I'm here in a year. Ten years don't mean anything to "them" so I need to make it not mean anything to me. It's time to start saying goodbye, pick up what's left of my spirit, and find new inspiration.